April Fools

Sometimes life feels like a big April fool’s joke.

Yesterday, I got my second COVID vaccine. All this past year, I was so afraid of getting the virus. I didn’t think I would live through it. We lost quite a few friends, relatives, and neighbors. I am so thankful that I was retired when this hit.

It gives me hope that I can start venturing out again. But I have to admit life looks very different on this side of the pandemic than it was before the virus imploded our lives. I have felt hope and disappointment, fullness and loneliness, fear and acceptance, and fullness and loss.

During this year, we sold our mountain home of 28 years, downsized, bought another home in town. The new house allows more sunshine and warmth which is good in old age. I have learned to live fulltime with my husband of almost 45 years. I have learned to live with myself without distractions. Our relationships with our children have changed. Our son and his family have pulled away and decided they like their lives without extended “family drama.” Our daughter moved into an apartment in our house and became a part of our “bubble.” We have started new traditions.

I believed so many things were important that I don’t see as important now. In retirement, I just want to be. I want to explore, observe, listen, and maybe question. I am looking forward to traveling, new experiences, and new friendships. Life is not necessarily better or worse, just different.

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